In 2011 I picked my love of reading back up and I truly enjoyed getting lost in a good book and a glass of wine. 6 years later that love of reading turned into the love of writing.
A lot of you are familiar with how it all happened and some aren't. So to keep it short lets just agree that writing chose me, I didn't choose it. I never saw this for myself and although I love it, its not all glitter and glitz.
The process, the stress and the after effects are truly life changing and eye opening. I didn't think it would be a piece of cake but I also didn't know there would be many sleepless nights and second guessing.
I've been reading a book by Steve Furtick by the name of "Crash the chatterbox" amazing read about the chatterbox in our head that forces us to believe things about ourselves that aren't real. I know I'm not the only one that feels crazy for telling my own self to shut up sometimes. I probably roll my eyes at myself 20 times a day.
Its crazy that once you finally feel like you are doing something right and for you that chatterbox, those insecurities get louder and louder. Its like being in an arena in your own head, the insecurities are chanting and telling you all of what you cant do.
Imagine writing as free therapy, you get the chance to put your wildest desires on paper, you get to address things that you wouldn't address normally. Either because you've harbored it for so long or because you fear being judged. I said to myself do it anyway! Then boom for a moment the chanting is less prevalent and important and You really start to see the bigger picture! The picture being that you are wonderfully and fearfully made.
Being an author throws you under scrutiny from people you don't know! Stressful but it has allowed me to gain something I truly never had.......
The reviews can be brutal and you need thick tough skin in order to continue on. I'm continuing on no matter what. That's how bad I want this for myself and for my family. Promises of perfecting my craft are real and true. So I appreciate them as much as I appreciate the good. For someone to tell you how much you helped them or how your words impacted them is what this is about. My main goal was to always write true words from my heart and hopefully touch one person.
You have to promote and engage. Its so much more than writing. Some days I wonder what the hell I was thinking when I started and then others I cant see myself doing anything else. So, I promote and promote hard. Its up to me to see this through. I no longer worry about it working peoples nerves or who seen it. I know I did my part as the ambassador of my brand my name and my dream
From sun up to sun down, i'm thinking about writing. Characters swim, some stay and some go. Ideas swirl some stick and some don't. It has consumed me, in a good way.
But you wanna know what's scary?
Having to give this up because I don't believe in myself. Giving up because I lost track of what was important. Forgetting the WHY. That's scary to me and I cant let that happen.
Thinking that having my passion revealed was all I needed, was a big mistake. I was WRONG it takes work, hard work. There's not enough hours in the day to describe the time needed for this or any endeavor. The passion is going to burn, but you have to keep it burning. Don't ever think that passion will be all you need. Passion is contingent to dedication, hard work, truth and transparency.
I've also learned that staying true to myself is going to be my claim to fame. I've been asked "Why romance?"
I write what I know, you may never read a book about me glorifying the male species disrespecting women. NEVER! you know why? Because that was my life for real and there's nothing cute or funny about love being hung over your head for a roof, nice cars or the idea of saying you have someone.
I wont write about the drug trade, My mom worked at Bosch for years and then became a nurse, I don't know that life so how can I truthfully capture it.
It doesn't offend me that it offends or turns others away. Because I write about what we all need and some desire.....LOVE true love in its purest form.
Eat, pray,love,write is my story right now and that's what I plan to tell.
I don't know why I wrote this today. It wasn't planned and I don't have some grand conclusion for you. LOL it was on my heart to share the thoughts I have about my journey and where I want my journey to go.
I have dreams of landing that #1 spot some day, I have dreams of sitting at a table and signing books for complete strangers. Women of all shapes and walks of life that read my story and felt that it was time for a change.
I appreciate those of you who have supported me as a new author and gave me a chance. I'm thankful! Because without you, I don't know that this new confidence and this burning desire to press on no matter what would be recognizable for me.
So in closing I guess there is a grand conclusion because this isn't just about writing this is about pressing on in whatever it is that chose you and blooming wherever you are planted. The passion will reveal itself its just up to you to feed that burning desire! So when things aren't going as planned take a step back and ask yourself if you are waiting for your passion to do all the work or if you are willing to assist your passion in the work.