My mom blessed me with my last birthday gift ... well at least that's what she said while also purchasing me a new fedora hat and matching duster 😂😍. I seriously love her but that's not what this blog is about. Today's blog is about my last gift and how it was more than a gift.
I love material gifts, I've said it before I have expensive taste but I also love to give and receive. So my love of nice things is balanced. And while I love the material gifts I appreciate experiences and connections more. My last gift was a ticket to experience some girl talk that turned into real talk. And I've been inspired, encouraged, and on cloud nine since we left.
If you are local or maybe even in Nashville you may have heard of Brunchin' with Bella. If not please get your life and get in the know. She hosts events, mostly quarterly but due to raggedy covid, she slowed down a bit. Well in the last 2 or 3 months she's had 2 events that I was blessed to attend.
And when I say blessed I'm not speaking of the amazing food, vendors, and music. I'm speaking about how dedicated she is to women's empowerment. So far I've attended three of her brunches and all thanks to my mom. But I'm finally speaking on this one because this was different and in a good way.
While it wasn't as lively as the others, the spirit of Queendom was heavy in the atmosphere. And that was all good with me and the rest of us in the intimate setting. Me, my mom, my cousin, and a friend of hers attended together and it makes all the difference.
Yesterday's theme was Girl Talk! When is the last time you had girl talk? I'll go first it's been forever for me and I really needed it yesterday. Not just to get a word but to be with other women and feel safe.
I haven't felt safe in a long time sharing things, simply because somehow someway I always get burned and that's not a good feeling. As confident as I am, I hate feeling my feelings sometimes. Well, yesterday Bella the Don that's what I've named her spoke on many things, such as bossing up, knowing your worth, letting go of rejection, and stepping into your new season shedding some baggage.
The experience meant more to me than you could know. I stood and spoke like many women before and after me. I didn't go into my full story because it's a long one but I did speak out loud the things that I wanted to release for 2021. You see I'm not focused on the outer right now and especially not for 2021. I'm focused on the inner work I know I need to handle.
Yes, I could stand to lose some pounds, eat healthier but the baggage and insecurities I carry are way deeper than the surface. The guest spoke about the mask we wear as women. So let me ask you about the mask you've been wearing way before the pandemic? Because, see I was masked, suited, and booted protecting myself long before the pandemic. And I'm woman enough to say that. I'm woman enough to acknowledge that I've hidden some of the hurt parts of me due to vanity and being afraid of backlash, funny looks.
And I share about my life but I don't share those times I felt like a failure. I don't share those times I used sex to make me feel better. I don't share those times I thought about ending my own life. People judge, but yesterday I didn't feel like I had to worry. No, I simply was -256 on any f* to give. (shrugs)
Bella went around the room asking us what we wanted to release and no I'm not talking about books. I wanted to share mine and also encourage you to find people, women, and events that are solely there for encouragement and giving you a safe space. We need safe spaces. We need spaces that we can be raw, real, and transparent in. Simply because healing is important and girl talk with real women that don't want a damn thing from you is too.
Seeking validation: I am a flex in its entirety. I know my shit. I know I'm worth it. I know what I deserve and I don't care about the likes, clicks, comments. That stuff doesn't validate me. It doesn't give me a stamp of approval. Everyone doesn't have to like or want to rock with me. I rock with me.
Pride: I refused for a long time to say I needed help, guidance, and people. I don't know where this pride came from but I don't want it to hold me back. I want meaningful relationships, I need a word. I need my cup filled instead of me filling everyone else's. Im'a still do it, but I need some of that love back.
Negative talk: Now I'm really good about speaking positivity over myself but I can always do more. I can always say it more and more than that believe it.
Fear of Rejection: That No, is just that a No... a pit stop not a pit stay. No means it wasn't for me but something bigger may be on the way.
I'm also going to drop a gem she shared:
"Little girls play, real women, boss up!"
How much longer are you going to play with your gift, your heart, your time? How long sis? When is it going to click for you that there's something inside of you. When are you going to move? When are you going to take the course? Hire that coach? Reach out to that person? Shoot your shot?
"Understand that sometimes you have to love people the way they are." You can't change people, only how you deal with them. As bad as I want to waste time trying to figure out why my real father in many ways rejected me, I just can't anymore. I can only love him for what he has done. Give me life. Skrrrtttt... moving on. While the things that hurt us may never leave, it's not ok for you to play chicken with them. Release it and let it stay released.
"Know your worth and stand on it."
How many times are you going to repeat yourself? This goes for relationships and friendships. If someone is constantly crossing boundaries and taking you there, it's time to cut their water off and be ok with it. No hard feelings, it's me not you, our season is up. If you tell Rondell to stop speaking to you like a child say it and stand on it. THAT'S ON WHAT?..... PERIOD! and if he can't love you the way you need to be loved... it's time to move. You don't have to deal with anything that makes you shrink. AHT AHT!
I love you all immensely and I encourage you to have some girl talk! I encourage you to remove the mask. I encourage you to surround yourself with positive people that will require more of you and not for their benefit but for yours.