We are already half way through the second month of the year and I'm feeling every bit of uncertain. One day I have all figured out, I have a plan and I swear by sticking to it and then BOOM I get lost in the shuffle and have to climb my way out of the mess I made.
I set up so many goals at the beginning of the year and I think that's where I messed up. I feel like I'm drowning in things I want to do or think I need to do. And that, to me, takes the fun out of reaching those goals. I don't want to become a slave to anything that doesn't feed my soul.
Or Maybe the things I thought would happen in my head haven't happened and my drive is faltering. And its driving me insane. Because this isn't me. I now know why I played it safe all these years.
I don't like change and the unknown!
I don't know!
Either way I'm feeling lost in translation, I'm feeling wore out, I'm feeling that I'm in over my head. This year was all about not failing and not repeating previous years. You know the years that go by in a flash and you've done nothing exist.
I've been feeling that way for about 2 weeks now, and today I've decided to do a few things differently because its up to me to set the tone and pace for my year. I have to remember that its a marathon instead a 50 yard dash.
So this is the new plan:
1. Small goals: All the goals on my list are important but I must prioritize and make them smaller. If not I will feel like I've not accomplished anything. And then I'll probably give up and then the "shitty year" cycle continues,
2. Get organized: I work so hard to create a weekly schedule and don't stick to it. Shame on me! Its a waste of time. So I plan to set realistic schedules that work well with my work schedule.
3. Understand that I'm Human: I am so hard on myself these days. This author title is not easy and it will wear you down. Especially when you want it to go one way and want to skip to the finish line.
4. Saving: I said by the end of the year I wanted to save half of my salary. And that's a good goal but its not realistic for the season I'm currently in. And instead of saying to hell with it all together I need to commit to saving what I can and not spending when I don't need to.
5. Meaning NO: I honestly have to say NO, not because I don't want to do for others because I do. That's my nature! But that very nature is why I cant get half the sh*t I need to get done, DONE.
I'm working on me and I will be honest about me being in a funk today! I'm feeling down and out without the slightest clue as to why! Today my bible plan ask us to reflect and journal. I did and I can only pray I am able to do better and be better.
Hey my sister out there if today isn't your day, its OK, its not mine either but we cant give up we can only reevaluate!