"Pity makes suffering contagious" FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE
Today's blog is as usual a personal one. Sit back and relax.
Over the last few weeks I've been in a state of awakening. I've been open more than ever to hearing the truths about me and those surrounding me that have been pushed to the side. But with fasting from various things one day a week I've been completely clear of distractions. I typically choose Wednesdays to fast as its the middle of the week and the perfect time to get centered. I love whats revealed even if I don't love it. It can get really uncomfortable at times but those are when I find the most value.
A few months have passed and things have changed drastically with me and with my family. Not all good, probably more negative than anything. I've been provoked beyond my belief. With that I realized that my personality of being a helper was the main reason for my trembling spirit. When I say that I am a helper, I mean that with every fiber of me. I bend and bend and bend but today it dawned on me when talking to my best friend that some people don't want HELP they want your PITY. We paused, and said "Oh that's a good one." LOL!
There's certainly a difference and its important that we identify that difference in order to determine if we will give energy to it an those people. The other day, I posted on FB that I was on whatever you were on. And while that's true, its not in its entirety. I'm not siting in chaos or misery with anyone. I don't give a damn who you are.
But lets get into the meat of the discussion:
Pity: feel sorrow for the misfortunes
Help: make it easier for (someone) to do something by offering one's services or resources
With these definitions in place, I wish I could say nothing more needed to be said but that is far from true. A lot more has to be said.
But first let me give you an example, my husband has severe hearing loss in his left ear. He complains day in and day out about not being able to hear and blah blah blah but refuses to wear his hearing aid. Me being the helper, I offer that solution often but to no avail he doesn't do it. He doesn't want my HELP, he wants my PITY. I love him dearly but I had to get really real with him a minute ago. I hope he's pissed because that means he heard me loud and clear.
This is where we get to the difference of help or pity. We run into people all the time that have so many gripes and complaints. True helpers give a solution. Those that want help will listen and do their best to come to a solution or use yours. Those wanting pity will continue to stick there hand on the stove and need cream but complain about the cream. Get it?
Most people that want pity can easily be identified but we have to want to identify them. We have to stop for just a moment and say damn didn't I give you a solution for that problem before? Stop offering solutions for those that don't want help but want pity. Stop giving them pity. Just STOP!
As the quote suggest pity is contagious. Their pity becomes your pity. Their negativity becomes your negativity. The lies they tell themselves become your lie.
Have you ever gotten tired of saying the same thing to the same person about the same situation? We love them so much that we try and change the delivery, we try and say it a different way. We do anything we can because we truly want to help. But its time to start asking that daunting question to our loved ones and friends...... Do you want my help or my pity? I believe getting that established from the beginning will change the course of the conversation.
I wrote this today because I myself have wasted a lot of time offering help to those who truly want my pity. They want to wallow in sorrow, grief, discouragement and brokenness and ultimately bring you in also. it doesn't seem so lonely or self inflicted that way. When you get in the trenches with them, you start complaining to. You start hating your job and thinking about the green grass on the other side. You start side eyeing your boo, you start looking at your finances. You start getting in that sunken place right along with them. You've gotten bit by the same bug And guess what the solutions begin to flee. So now y'all both looking silly with that pitiful attitude and no solution in sight.
Stop giving life to those that self inflict pity. Stop joining in on others pity. The red button on my phone works just fine. Tell them to grow up and stop being prideful, negative, and stifled. And stop stifling them. The true essence of any relationship or friendship is being able check them out of love, right? Doing so, allows you to spend time with them in a place of restoration and in a place of rejoicing. This is a place that both of you can thrive in. I cant thrive in pity or with those that CHOOSE to be miserable. Its contagious and it aint cool.
Here are a few indicators that a person wants Pity and not your magnificent help:
Prideful: they refuse to ask for help, instead they seek pity. I'll tell you my problems but I wont ask for any solutions
Negative: they find a problem with everything including your solution. If they have the answers why the come to you?
Lack of Self Understanding: They refuse to hold themselves accountable. They refuse to believe that for one moment they may be the problem. They refuse to put in the work. Faith without work is dead! Anything without work is dead!
Lack of prayer life: Haven't prayed on anything and meant it. Simple! Ask and you shall receive abundantly.
God has not placed on earth to be tormented, unhappy.
If you are that friend or family member that wants PITY, let me tell you now that you have to do better. Faith is an stimulant much like fear, which one will you pick today? Put your pride to the side and ask for help and mean it. Stop being negative every time you get an audience. Stop making your loved ones be apart of your self inflicted pity. Look for solutions and lastly seek a moment with God. Soon those that have always had your back and attempted to give you help wont if it means they have to join in on your misery.
Oh and I'm not free from this post because I have to catch myself with my own complaints and my own pity with things that I've been dealing with. I'm holding myself accountable for those things that I have just let be. I haven't spoken up for myself and that's on me. I haven't spoken my mind about things that upset me and instead of seeking pity and adding people to my BS, I remember the solutions already been given to me. I cant ask for pity when I've been provided with multiple solutions and a mouth. Its my fault that I've been unhappy with people and their actions. We all have room to grow!
I hope this blog finds you all in good spirits and helps someone. Share or write me back to let me know. Love you all and Happy Wednesday!!
~ And Remember Be you, Do you, For you!