Happy Sunday Ladies, I haven't blogged in so long but I felt I needed to today, well I've needed to for a few weeks now. Today i'm giving myself time to be upfront and honest with how it only took one day to screw up and alter my energy......
The thing is, I don't even know what day it was, what situation it was or who it was. That's because so much has been going on in my world. So much and some things I wont go into detail because of how personal they are but I can say that I took protecting my energy for granted. It was my responsibility to protect my energy. I failed....
Although I failed for the moment, I know that soon my breakthrough will reveal the WIN. I'm waiting on that day because boy I sure need a win right now.
I went Indie and as much as i'm enjoying my freedom to be creative, i also realize how much it takes and how easy it is to get lost in the sauce. Because i went indie all my books had to be removed and are now being re-released soon. That's so stressful, I feel naked without my catalog being complete. The covers turned out wonderfully but the edits are giving me the blues.
Then on top of that, I've had some really uncomfortable run ins with family situations, my marriage and the mental state of a family member. I'm normally the one with all the answers. I'm a solution type of person but this go round, I feel blah! I'm done handing out solutions because as Nako told me, i cant pour into anyone with an empty cup. I'm empty, finished, done, overcooked all that jazz with life and others and their filth and baggage.
Its not appreciated! But I also know the devil is using those closest too me against me. I'm cool with, I think distance is healthy at time and I also cant help everyone realize when the enemy is using them for his dirty work.
I'm not taking it personal. Curve ball after curve ball has been thrown at me and my family for the last few months. I had a blast at the kickback met some faves and came home to some major BS! Like my world turned upside down. Maybe that's when my energy changed.
My fear outweighed my faith. Courage was nowhere to be found, I couldn't really talk to many about it, in fear of judgement and looks. Frustration set in, then blame came, and then the 'why?' came in. My head was full of chatter but no solutions and no faith. No positive thoughts telling me to find the sunshine. It wiped me of who I was.
Yea that was the day....
Things got sticker after that, between people popping up from the past. My job becoming less bearable than ever before. The negativity becoming easier to feel and linger. I let the negativity linger, because it seemed to be the loudest and most easy to agree with:
I wasn't enough, I didn't do it right, I did make a mistake with doing this or that. I do suck at communication sometimes. I am a pushover. I don't make people respect me and my adulthood as they should. You said, NO, why you explain the no? I should punch, fight, scream and holler about everything that's going on in my life. Why not everyone else does? Quit your job, cut this person off, give up writing, no one will ever support you. Who cares what he's going through its about you. This is what my head was filled with for the last month. My negative thoughts have been loud and proud. They've been bold and I've let them be bold.
It was Monday that we got more bad news, and I said that this is it. No more!! I wasn't doing this with myself again. I was not going to sit around be frustrated, agitated, and mislead when I know there is a promise somewhere, a breakthrough somewhere with my name on it.
I am on the brink of a breakthrough. I am on the brink of having exactly what it is that I want. I am so close to hearing God say "Now" in regards to the moves I need to make. I'm hanging in there and I want to encourage you to hang in there as well.
-Get some prayer warriors on your team. You are losing if you don't have anyone praying for you constantly and encouraging you. Without my prayer sisters, man I don't know where I would be.
-Understand there will be casualties. I hate that but everyone can not go and everyone is not meant to go. It sucks, it hurts but I cant keep holding onto situations that are not for me. Elevate with me, that's all I will say about that.
-Seek professional help if you really need to talk with someone. It is OK to seek therapy. Where did we go wrong with this one? (another day lol). The way we see mental health will be the end of our generation and those to come. Do Better!
-Get out and live. This weekend was the first weekend in a long time that I detached away from my desk, my husband and my kids and had some grown woman time. I laughed, I drank, I caught up. I did all of that. I did my makeup, got cute and I felt a lot better this morning.
- Say No and give no more explanations. We too old to be explaining our peace to others with no peace.
- Do something at least once a month that will make YOU happy. You deserve more but we can settle for at least one thing.
-Budget. Listen a lot of my gripes come from me not doing right by what I have. Cutting things that don't sew into me have to go.
-Pray. Find a bible plan that fits your mood and get deep into it. Monday we are doing this plan in the group I hope you Join us.
My blogs don't have a rhyme or reason they are more like diary entries LOL. Sometimes I want to speak and get my thoughts out with no objections. But today I want to encourage you all to protect your energy at all cost. It only takes a second for negativity to get in and alter who and who's you are.
Updates coming tomorrow. Happy Sunday my unfiltered and undefined friends.