"Thou shall not"

"Thou shall not do the least and expect the most." Enitan Bereola

I HATE awkward conversations and situations. I hate them so much I ignore people and things because I truly don't want to deal. But over the weekend something was brought to my attention that put me in a really awkward spot and I couldn't ignore it. I couldn't pretend that it wasn't happening, but what was awkward was I wasn't sure how to confront the awkwardness which is odd because I talk a lot and I have several stories that normally help. But this weekend I was stumped, so I opened the bible! And I found this:

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother” (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3“that it may go well with you and that you may be long-lived on the earth.”

4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Can we say a WORD?

I do believe in this scripture, and I also find it funny that verse 4 is often left out when parents teach this very principle to their children. Y'all aint slick..... But anyway just a little back story on why I needed to reach for the word:

Its no secret that I'm a mother of 2 wonderful children Mario and Deja. Both very different kids, but loving none the less. I pride myself on being able to say that I am raising respectful kids but that was questioned and placed on the chopping block over the weekend. I wasn't offended but I was a little stunned. And let me first say that this post is in no way bashing anyone, I'm simply providing facts that may seem farfetched and unreal. I know how touchy co-parenting has become. Everyone is always pointing fingers but not holding themselves accountable.

It was brought to my attention that my son who is 9 years old was somewhat disrespectful and "mean" to his part time father (no shade just creating the story for a clear understanding) the last visit. I wasn't sure how to really take the news nor was I sure of how to address the issue with our son. Only because there was father is absent most of the time. No phone calls, no text messages and no visits. My mind started wondering. 

Was I supposed to punish him?

Should there be consequences?

What do I say?

 I'm not raising disrespectful or mean kids was my initial thought. But I am raising children that understand the importance of accountability. And its awkward having a conversation with your son regarding respect when its earned and its possible that the one person that feels as though they deserve it hasn't earned it. Just as the scripture states, as children we are to honor our mothers and fathers but are some mothers and fathers deserving of such honor without putting in the work? Is it ok to expect so much and give so little?

Because I know what type of children I'm raising I feel like this was a bed that was made over the last few years due to broken promises, lack of concern, and the lack of playing a fatherly role.

"Thou shall not do the least and expect the most." Enitan Bereola

Is it right? Probably not but what would the world look like if everyone started to be held accountable for there actions? If we really instilled the importance of making good decisions because those bad ones have the potential to create awkward, disrespectful or mean actions from others, what would that look like? I mean to be so aware of karma that we made good decisions instead of thinking we can dodge the reaction from our actions! 

 Just because my son is 9 years old should I act as if he isn't human?

Should I act like he was in the wrong for giving back what he has been given over the years?

I'm still working with myself as a parent on this situation. It's not easy being a parent although we wish it was. I don't want my son to think it's ok to disrespect anyone especially an elder but I also needed to be honest about the storm that has been brewing for years. That I have actively tried to prevent.

Parents we have to do better, we also have to be held accountable for the damaged relationships. I grew up without my father and I cant promise that my morals would be intact if I was ever to meet my father in person. Please know Kisa D. raised me right.

Absent parents (real absent, not the ones with a mountain of BM or BD drama) understand that kids become adults and you don't understand the pain you are inflicting by being absent. You don't know the feeling unless you've been there. I felt picked over for years without having my father, I had several questions regarding why I wasn't enough? And somehow in those feeling we expect children that have feelings also to not feel a certain way because that's your parent. You don't get to pick and choose when to be a parent or tell your child how to feel when you've been off doing YOU!

"Thou shall not do the least and expect the most." Enitan Bereola

Again this isn't to bash anyone because I understand that we all fall short and we cant always get it right when it comes to parenting. This is more of plea to those that don't understand the importance of being a permanent fixture in there children's lives. You want respect but don't respect yourself enough to be a mother or father. The day will come when your child will look at you as an equal.... there may come a day where your child walks right past you as if you were a stranger, there will come a day when your child forms there own conclusion and there wont be enough apologies you can provide to mend there broken heart.

Be Blessed and Be Intentional!!

#parenting #re #ephesians6 #commandments #hon #gen

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